


A Matter Of Time

by JeanJacquesFrancois



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: First Time, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:38:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanJacquesFrancois/pseuds/JeanJacquesFrancois
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Told from Loras' point of view and where Loras and Renly grow up as friends. (See Notes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Matter Of Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Right, so I am well aware that some of you have been a little, er well frustrated at how much of an idiot Renly has been in my recent works! I'm looking at you LittleRose and I quote: "Comparatively, he's been such a tool in JJF's stories lately." [See Tide's Turn Chapter 5 comments for reference] 
> 
> As such, I have dug out a very old draft of mine that I was never intending on posting. Believe it or not, this was the original draft of what eventually became Strings Attached... Originally, what is now Strings Attached picked up at around when Renly goes to university in this, and involved the two of them hooking up in a club and not recognising each other... I cut it for obvious reasons, mainly the fact that Renly was enough of an idiot to Loras in it without the added salt in the wound that would have been Loras being Renly's previous best friend! See, I could have been so so much more cruel! 
> 
> It's very much a bit of a draft with enough bits added to make it make sense, and yet I can whole-heartedly say that Renly is not a tool in it!

 

 

Loras didn’t remember meeting Renly; he didn’t really even remember when they first became friends. It was just one of those things that had always been so. Like Garlan, Willas and Margaery, Renly was someone who seemed to have always been there and who would continue to be there even if everything else around Loras fell apart and turned to dust.

He lived in a big house across the road, a house that for all intents and purposes looked exactly like Loras' own, save for the fact that Renly's front door was painted a bright yellow whilst his was green. Beyond the similar façades, though, Renly's house was nothing at all like Loras'. The door was always ajar, never locked, and people seemed to come and go without rules. He shared this house with his two brothers, and yet usually he seemed to have the entire run of it to himself. One brother hardly ever seemed to be there at all, whilst the other seemed to be invariably locked away in his study working, a room that he never seemed to exit. 

Unlike Loras, Renly was allowed to leave the house on his own, something which could have been to do with the fact that he was four years Loras' senior, but that Loras always assumed was more down to the fact that neither of Renly's brothers tended to notice if he went out. This worked out well, Loras found, for his own parents were quite happy to let him to leave the house with Renly, so long as they didn't go further than the park at one end of the road or the small line of shops at the other. Unlike him again, Renly didn't have to be home at a certain time either. Despite this, though, Renly would always make sure to drop Loras back home just before it got dark, as was agreed with Loras' parents. Sometimes, too, he'd even stay for dinner, Loras' mother always muttering that he never seemed to get fed properly at his own house. This was a complete lie, Loras knew, for he and Renly spent a good amount of time raiding the fridge at Renly's house every day before they then went off to the park, their pockets bulging full of chocolate and other such wonderful things. The truth was, rather, that Renly was just always hungry, a truth that Loras never confided to his mother in fear that Renly would no longer be allowed to stay to dinner.

And so by the time Loras was eleven they had a solid routine. Renly got home later from school than Loras, and so each and every afternoon Loras would watch from his bedroom window until he saw him walking back down the road and entering his house, the blazer that secondary school students had to wear slung casually over his shoulder and his tie invariably undone. Loras would then run over, pushing the unlocked door open and remembering not to close it afterwards. (He had done once and apparently Renly's eldest brother hadn't been able to get in that night.) Renly would be usually waiting for him in his bedroom, changed out of the uniform he hated, and then, weather depending, they'd head off either to the swings or merely go downstairs, borrowing the Xbox that Renly's eldest brother seemed never to use.

It was a routine that Loras was happy with and one that he didn't really imagine ever changing.

 

 

 Summer 2007

Loras ignored his mother telling him not to run down the stairs and did it anyway, jumping the last four as Garlan had always taught him to do. It was warm out and Loras didn't bother with a coat as he pulled open the front door forcefully. It was the last day of term and both he and Renly had finished school early, something which meant they'd have more time before Loras had to be home, time enough even for them to get the bus all the way to the chip shop and back, a destination that was far far beyond where Loras was allowed to go, even with Renly accompanying him.

Renly's front door was open as usual, and Loras did his best to refrain from running up these stairs too, all too aware that the younger of Renly's brother was in, and that he'd come out of his study at any noise, grinding his teeth at him and demanding what he was doing here in the first place.

Like usual, Renly was in his bedroom, and yet unlike usual, Renly hadn't got changed yet. He was halfway through, his shirt loose and undone.

Loras halted in the doorway awkwardly. If he'd been asked earlier that day, then he would have claimed with complete confidence that there would be nothing strange or awkward about watching Renly get changed, and yet now he wasn't so sure. He'd never noticed before how different he and Renly looked. He knew Willas and Garlan had a little hair on their chests and yet he'd never contemplated whether Renly would look like that too. He'd never realised either quite how broad Renly's shoulders were, and suddenly he found himself inexplicably wondering what it would feel like if he were to touch Renly's chest, a bizarre notion indeed, and one that unsettled him a little.

Shaking his head slightly, he tore his eyes away, not sure what had come over him for a few seconds. Indeed, Renly didn't seem to think anything of it at all. He just pulled a t-shirt over his head and grinned at him.

"So?" He laughed, his familiar, cheerful voice bringing Loras back to his senses. "I'm guessing we're off to the chip shop?"

Loras just grinned back at him.

 

 

 Autumn 2007

Loras started secondary school in the September, something Loras loved as it meant that he could walk now home with Renly. He could have, of course, walked home with Garlan and Willas and yet that didn't appeal to him half as much. Renly was much more fun, and whilst Garlan would have been more than up for disobeying their parents and buying doughnuts on the way home from school, Loras knew he'd never get away with it with Willas. Renly was all the company he wanted, and despite being one of the most popular guys in school, he never seemed to mind having a lowly year seven accompany him home from school. This was something Loras quickly learnt to appreciate. There were very few people who were known throughout all the year groups and yet Renly was one of them. He was almost a legend, that year eleven student who always had his shirt untucked and who was always getting in trouble for saying something tongue in cheek back to a teacher. Loras relished the awestruck looks he'd get from his peers whenever Renly would come and talk to him during break or stop and chat with him animatedly in between lessons.

It was later that term, that Loras' father sat him down.

“It’s time we talked, son.” He said, and Loras knew immediately from the smatterings of sex education he'd already had in school exactly where this was going.

“What about?” He asked anyway, avoiding eye contact.

“About being a man.” His father said with gravitas and Loras felt embarrassed for him. He was sure that nobody else's father ever sounded quite so ridiculous. He forced himself to sit through it, anyway though, as his father rambled on about how soon he'd find himself looking at his female classmates in a different way, and how that was nothing he should be worried about.

Loras just frowned. A lot of the boys at school had girlfriends now. They'd go on dates to the cinema, and brag later about how they'd kissed behind the bike sheds. It wasn't something that appealed to Loras, though, at least not yet. He supposed, though, that if his father was to believed, that that would change sooner or later. 

Even he had to shift uncomfortably, though, when his father started talking about the changes his body would start going through. He just sat there awkwardly and tried to stare at the wall. He didn't want to think about his voice going all squeaky and getting spontaneous erections in class, both things his father kept on going on about. It all sounded embarrassing and not at all pleasant.

 

 

........

 

Garlan teased him about it ruthlessly later. “Someday soon you’ll be a man.” He said, puffing out his chest and imitating their father’s voice remarkably well. He then grinned, winking at Loras. “We had it just as bad when we were your age. He just doesn’t seem to realise how embarrassing he is.”

Willas didn’t join in in the teasing, though. He just watched them quietly as Loras hit Garlan hard with one of the sofa cushions as if he knew something everyone else didn't.

 

 

……

 

“Do you have a girlfriend, Renly?” Loras asked that evening in Renly's bedroom once he’d escaped Garlan’s teasing. "You don't do you?" He was sure he'd have known if Renly did, it would be all over the school for one, and yet him and Renly had never really talked about this sort of thing before.

A small smile came to Renly’s face and then, to Loras’ surprise, Renly laughed as if the idea was a funny one. “No Loras, I don’t.” 

“Well why not?” Loras asked, curious. He didn't see why not at all. He’d never really thought about it before but he supposed that Renly was handsome, and his mother certainly called him so all the time. In their house Renly was usually referred to as 'that handsome young lad across the road'.

“Because I don’t want one.” Renly offered simply.

Loras laughed. “Good. Me neither.” He relaxed a little at that. He certainly knew he didn't want a girlfriend, regardless of how many of them tried to ask him out, something that to his horror was becoming almost a daily occurrence. 

Renly laughed and sat down on his bed, crossing his legs and peering a little curiously at him. “You will Loras, most boys do.”

Loras raised an eyebrow, lounging back against Renly's bed. “Well why not you then?”

Renly shrugged. “It’s no secret. I’m gay Loras. That’s why I don’t want a girlfriend.”

“Oh.” Loras knew what that meant. There was a girl in his class who had what she referred to as two dads, and beyond that, _gay_ was a word the boys at school continuously threw around. That's what you were called if you acted disgusted when a girl asked you out; it was what the wimpy looking boys got teased with too, the ones who were a little feminine and didn't enjoy kicking a ball around with the rest of them. Aside from a passing glance at that girl's dads, though, Loras had never met anyone gay before, and looking at Renly, there wasn't anything remotely feminine looking about him.

“ _Oh_ indeed.” Renly laughed and ruffled his hair. “But you’ll want one, a pretty one with curly hair to match yours.” He kissed the top of Loras’ head fondly. “Now come on, Robert’s out and he bought the new Call of Duty yesterday." He grinned. "Just make sure not to tell your parents we're playing it." He grinned. "Or Willas for that matter." He added hastily.

 

 

 Winter 2007

“So Loras," Garlan teased over breakfast. "Who are you taking to the school disco?” He grinned. "Someone pretty? Is she nice?"

Loras rolled his eyes. The disco that the school put on for Year Seven at Christmas was going to be so undeniably lame and everyone in his year was quite well aware of this fact. This was knowledge that had been passed down from the year above, those wise students in Year Eight. Even if it hadn't been, though, Loras had had enough other people inform him of this too. Both Willas and Garlan had sighed with nostalgia when he'd first mentioned it, commenting how many fond memories they had of it before they'd then both chuckled and added how unbelievably lame it had been.

Renly, too, had had the same reaction. "They still do that?" He'd asked, as if he had difficulty casting his mind back those incredibly lengthy four years.

Loras had nodded. "Yep. Will I like it?" He'd asked.

Renly had laughed. "Well that depends." He'd said, scratching his head. "On how much you like shitty 90s music?"

That had summed it up really for Loras, and now he'd resigned himself to spending what sounded like a hellish evening doing the macarena, something which Renly had very helpfully insisted on demonstrating for him in his bedroom.

Loras was brought out of his thoughts by Garlan prodding him hard. "No lucky young lady yet then?" He asked, brandishing a spoon at him. 

Loras shrugged. “Not yet.”

“Well why not?” Mace clapped him on the shoulder. “Must be plenty of young ladies who want to accompany you son.”

Loras shrugged non-committally again. “There’s a few.” He said. That was a lie. He’d spent the last two days politely declining tens of offers. All the other boys seemed desperate to find someone popular and pretty in their year to go with and yet he just wasn't remotely interested. He sighed. “But I don’t want to take any of them.”

“Well why not?” His father laughed heartily and passed him the cereal.

“I don’t know?” Loras said and that wasn’t a lie.

 

 

 Summer 2008

Loras had just turned twelve when Renly got his first boyfriend, something the school went crazy over with gossip. The guy in question was in Year Eleven with Renly and called Sam. And just like that everything in Loras' life turned suddenly upside down. Gone were the evenings spent lounging around in Renly's bedroom, watching films or doing nothing but aimlessly chatting. Renly walked home from school with his boyfriend now, and whilst Renly insisted time and time again that it was fine if he wanted to walk with them too, Loras didn't want to. Instead, he hung around at school until he could be sure that Renly would have already left.

Sam was tall and handsome, dark haired like Renly and perfectly nice seeming, and yet Loras loathed him. He loathed him more than he'd ever loathed anyone. He hated to admit it but the idea that Renly evidently found somebody else's company just as appealing as his own left a bad taste in his mouth, it made him want to lash out at someone. Renly was his friend, and he couldn't stand the fact that someone had stolen him away from him.

He didn't bother to hide his hatred of him from Renly, and yet Renly seemed to find it all too amusing. He'd smile and say not to worry, that no matter how much time he spent with someone else that they'd still be best friends. His words made Loras feel momentarily better each time and yet they did little to curb the irrational anger that would rise in him whenever he saw them together.

And it was far far too often that he'd see them together. Sam would come round almost everyday, and he and Renly would go inside together. They'd hold hands sometimes and occasionally Loras would see them kiss, pushed up against Renly’s front door and with their hands in each other’s hair. Loras hated seeing it. He wasn't sure quite why, whether it was simply because he was jealous of the time they were spending together, and yet it made him want to punch somebody, to punch somebody hard until his knuckles were bloody. Preferably it would be Renly's boyfriend.

Seeing them made him furious and yet at the same time, Loras found he could never tear his eyes away those times when he was unfortunate enough to see the two of them make out on Renly's doorstep. He had a perfect view of them out of his bedroom window and whilst he wanted to stop looking, he just couldn't. Instead, he'd stand there at the window, eyes glued involuntarily to them, watching helplessly as Renly slid his arms around the other guy's waist, tilting his head as their mouths met and taking it in turns to push each other roughly up against his bright yellow door.

It wasn't until a few weeks later that he realised that it was probably curiosity that left him unable to look away, and tentatively he tried touching himself that evening in the way his father had told him he'd want to, his bedroom door locked and his hand fumbling down his pyjama bottoms. It felt strange, Loras found, tingly almost, and yet it was undeniably good, his cock growing sort of hard under his hand. Sighing, he shut his eyes and rubbed a little harder, the sensation taking him by surprise despite the fact that he'd heard more people than he could count rave about how good it felt at school.

He wondered whether this was how it felt when Renly pushed himself so roughly up against his boyfriend outside his door, whether the press of each other's legs felt as good as the press of his hand did right now. He had to wonder then whether they touched each other like he was touching himself now, and his breathing loud in his own ears, he couldn't help himself going that one step further and imagining what it might look like, whether their cocks looked like his did. He supposed that they'd have gone through the changes he'd been told about, that he'd seen in textbooks in Biology too, and yet he couldn't really picture it.

Soon, his body was shaking, and he found himself remembering what Renly had looked like without his shirt on, how he'd wanted to touch. That thought was enough to send him tipping over an edge he hadn't even known existed to tip over, and he collapsed panting against his own sheets, Renly still in his mind's eye and feeling a little baffled when he looked down at the mess he'd made of his pyjama bottoms.

 

 

......

 

 

 “I don’t like girls.” Loras said bluntly to his father the next afternoon and making him look up in surprise. He'd spent the whole evening pondering it and that was the conclusion he'd reached. He'd tried touching himself again in the morning, shoving headphones in his laptop and looking up videos of women on the internet, alluring women with no clothes on who stared seductively into the camera with a hand caressing the wet slit in between their legs. It had done nothing for him except make him more confused. And confusion was an emotion he wasn't at all acquainted with.

"I don't think I like girls." He repeated. He knew his father had heard and yet he wanted a response.

His father frowned. “Of course you do, son.”

Loras returned the expression. "But I don't. I think I'd rather have a boyfriend."

His father stared at him for a couple of seconds, and then laughed. “I get it. You want to be just like that friend of yours across the road.” He clapped him on the shoulder and chuckled. “Next you’ll be dying your hair black and wearing a leather jacket.”

He bent down to Loras’ level. “It’s just a phase son. That’s all.”

Loras shrugged. He didn’t really know. Maybe it was and maybe he did just want to be exactly like Renly. Because God knew that was true too.

 

 

 ……

 

Even so, he went over to Renly's that evening. He figured that if anyone would understand how he felt, it would be him. Sensibly, though, he'd decided that he would leave out the part about how his thoughts lingered on him all too often.

Renly's front door was open as usual and Loras could hear Robert snoring loudly in the living room as he went upstairs.

He pushed Renly's door as he always did, startling and almost jumping backwards, though, when he saw Renly wasn't alone in there. Both him and his boyfriend were staring at him with an equal mixture of shock and surprise from Renly's bed. They were under the covers, and yet it was clear that they were evidently in the middle of making out, both of them shirtless and pressed close together.

"Um, Loras?" Renly rolled off his companion. "Give me a sec will you?"

Loras just nodded, feeling his cheeks turn a little red despite his best efforts. He shut the door behind him with more force than was really necessary and went to sit on the top step of the stairs. He could hear them talking from here, and whilst he knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, it didn't really occur to him not to.

"What's the kid doing here?" Sam was asking, and that alone made Loras want to go in their and put a fist in his face. He may have been younger than both of them and yet he didn't appreciate being referred to as a kid.

He heard Renly sigh deeply. "Don't." He said. "He didn't know."

"Well who walks in without knocking anyway?"

Renly sighed again. "We do. I'd have done the same at his." Loras heard shuffling and th sound of bed springs. "Do you think he saw anything?" Renly then asked and Loras resisted the urge to roll his eyes. As if he hadn't been able to clearly see that they'd been making out. For all his sixteen years, Loras had to think Renly was quite hopeless sometimes.

"Don't worry about it." His boyfriend told him with a laugh. "Go on, get up and go to him then. I know you're itching to."

"Yeah, but what about...?" There was more sounds of Renly shifting around.

"Waistband trick?" Loras heard Sam suggesting. What they were talking about now, he had no idea. He supposed it required context he didn't have. 

Renly laughed too then, and after a bit more shuffling, Loras saw his bedroom door swing open, Renly exiting and coming to sit next to him on the stairs. He was just in jeans, evidently not having bothered to put his shirt back on, but he did have a jumper tied round his waist. Loras tried his best not to stare at his bare chest and yet still his stomach did that strange flipping thing it had done the first time he'd seen Renly topless.

Renly grinned a little sheepishly. "Sorry about that, Loras."

Loras shrugged. "It's my fault." He mumbled. "I should have knocked."

Renly laughed and leant back against the bannister, fidgeting a little. "I've never asked you to before. You weren't to know." He scratched his head absent-mindedly, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes. "But maybe it would be for the best if you did now. Probably easier for both of us."

Loras nodded, looking down at his hands and inspecting them.

"Was it anything in particular?" Renly asked. "That you wanted me for?"

Loras scowled. "Am I not allowed to just want to come over? Do I need a reason nowadays?"

Renly winced. "That's not what I meant at all and you know it." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "And stay for a while if you like." He gestured back to his bedroom where his boyfriend was still probably lounging in his bed. "I think you two would get on well if you just gave him a chance. And we were going to get pizza later. You love pizza."

Loras shrugged. "It's alright." He muttered. "It wasn't important. I should be going home anyway."

Renly didn't look convinced and yet he shrugged. "If you insist." He shuffled closer to give Loras a one-armed hug.

 

 

 ……

 

Loras went to straight to bed when he got back, not even caring that it was barely past nine in the evening and that his parents looked at him strangely for it. He didn't even want to talk to Margaery, an odd occurence indeed. Somehow, just seeing Renly and his boyfriend looking so cosy together had put him in a very bad mood.

He didn't sleep, though, just dozing on and off, until there was a knock on his door about ten o clock. He was tempted just to ignore it and he did for a good thirty seconds until the door swung open of its own accord. 

"Hey," Renly laughed, sticking his head round the door. "What you doing in bed already?"   
  
Loras was semi-pleased to see him and yet his bad mood still lingered. He just rolled irritably over. 

It was useless resisting, though, and a minute later, Loras felt a weight sit down at the end of his bed and the covers being tugged out of his grip. "What's the matter, Loras?" Renly asked, flopping down beside him.

"Nothing." Loras muttered. 

"Liar." Renly was grinning and he tugged Loras back to face him. "Now really, what's wrong?"

Loras couldn't resist that face and he sighed. "I guess I'm confused." He offered, letting Renly pull him to his chest.. And he certainly was. He had his face pressed into Renly's shoulder and it felt nice, comforting, like it always had done. There was no trace of the strange feelings he'd had earlier and he was beginning to think now that he'd imagined it all.

"About...?" Renly prompted, resting one of his hands in Loras' hair. 

"About... stuff." Loras settled for, wondering how he could even begin to explain what he didn't understand himself. "I mean, all of my classmates, Renly, they're all interested in girls and they pass round pictures of them on their phones, but I'm just not interested."

Renly was listening intently and he paused for a good long while before he spoke. "There's still time Loras." He said softly. "You might be the most interested of them all by next year."

Loras shrugged. "Maybe. But I'm beginning to think, well, that I'm like you." He lifted his head to see how Renly had reacted to that. 

Renly sighed and he didn't seem as surprised as Loras would have expected him to. "I can't tell you that Loras." He said earnestly. "And there's nothing wrong with being confused about it all." He shrugged and pushed Loras' hair out of his eyes for him. "I remember what it was like to be your age, when everything starts changing so quickly, and suddenly your voice and your moods are all over the place, and you're getting hard in class, and you realise all too soon that whilst you always thought video games were the most fun you could have, that that's definitely not true." He smiled and tugged on one of Loras' curls affectionately. "It's hard, and you're allowed to be confused."

"If I am, well, like you," Loras started a little awkwardly. "-then will you be around to help me figure things out? To talk to me and stuff?"

Renly laughed. "Loras, it doesn't matter if you're straight, or if you're gay, or even if you discover suddenly that you have a fetish for inanimate objects, I'll still be around to help you figure stuff out."

 

 

 

 Summer 2009

Loras told his father the same thing when he was thirteen and this time he took him more seriously. “Oh.” He grunted, looking quite taken aback.

And a couple days later followed perhaps the most awkward conversation Loras had ever had yet with his father, even more awkward than the first. And whilst Loras realised that he was trying to be helpful, that his father was trying to reassure him that they still loved him (something that Loras hadn't even bothered to doubt), still he had to just inwardly cringe as his father rambled on about stuff both of them didn't fully understand. He was trying to explain what gay men did together, Loras knew, and yet it was a mess of receptive partners and insertive partners and jargon that Loras didn't understand. Every now and then his father would warn him about being constantly vigilant with condoms, before quoting some random-seeming statistics that he'd evidently found on Wikipedia. 

Loras just sat stoically through it and cringed inwardly. He wasn't quite sure why his father thought this necessary. Google would have been a lot more helpful than anything his father had bumbled on about.

He escaped as soon as he could, and went straight over to Renly's. 

Renly laughed when he told him. “It’s hard." He said, even as he laughed. Your father’s probably never thought about stuff like that before.”

Loras cringed. “I hope not.” The thought of his father thinking of anything sexual, gay or straight, made him want to vomit. He liked to think that him and all of his siblings had been concieved by IVF because the thought of his parents getting it on was just too painful to bear. 

“Did he explain stuff well?” Renly asked. 

Loras shrugged. “Not really, just blathered on about safe sex and how him and mum still love me. All that sort of bullshit."

Renly laughed. “Well I can explain anything if you like.” He sat back against the headbord of his bed and grinned. "I like to think of myself as an expert on the subject."

“You- you’ve had sex?” 

Renly laughed. “Seriously?” His face broke into a grin. “Yes Loras, I’ve had sex.”

“Oh.” Loras had never thought about Renly doing that sort of thing before. He supposed that was naïve of him- he was seventeen and his boyfriend still came round at least a couple of times a week- of course he did that sort of stuff.

"In fact," Renly said, his grin widening. "If I remember correctly you've walked in on me having sex."

"..what?" Loras felt his mouth drop slightly open.

Renly laughed, winking. "I didn't think you'd realised. I was rather glad of it at the time." Amusement came into his eyes and he grinned wickedly at him. "In retrospect, though, maybe I should have let you stay and watch. For educational purposes only of course." 

Loras rolled his eyes and shoved Renly roughly into the headboard with one hand. He knew what occasion Renly was referring to and yet it had never occured to him that they might be doing more than just touching each other a little bit. "So," He said, trying to change the subject. "Are you going to explain stuff to me or not?"

“So what do you want to know then?” Renly stretched out across his bed and patted the space next to him. "I'm guessing you don't need me to tell you all that bullshit about how you should respect your partner, and how you always have the right to say no?" 

Loras rolled his eyes. "Please, no more of that sort of stuff." That got forced down their throats at school and he had no desire for more lectures about being sexually responsible. 

"You want the mechanics explained then?" Renly asked, his hair flopping over his forehead.

"I guess." Loras said. "I mean, I know the basics obviously. How you get it up the arse instead."

Renly laughed. "God, you are eloquent sometimes Loras." He then pushed his hair out of his eyes, looking pensive for a few moments. "Okay, well there are obviously technical terms for all of this, which is probably what your father tried to go for, but I'll try and explain it all in language you'll actually end up using." He smiled, glancing down at Loras. "So what your father was trying to explain to you with the whole receptive partner rubbish was how there's two different roles involved. So, one guy will top, and the other will bottom." He laughed. "And it has everything to do with what role you're taking and unhelpfully perhaps it has absolutely nothing to do with where you're lying. The bottom is the guy who, to use your lovely phrasing, is getting it up the arse." He grinned. " And that's even if he's sat on top of the other guy. Likewise the guy on top is still the top even if he's lying flat on his back. Get it?"

Loras nodded. That was all simple enough. "How do you decide who gets to be on top then?" As far as he was concerned, getting fucked and being what Renly called on the bottom didn't sound at all fun at all. "Do you just fight it out?"

Renly laughed. "Okay, well most people do have preferences. Some will consider themselves as tops, other as bottoms, and some people just don't mind, and so they're usually referred to as being versatile." He laughed. "Contrary to what you evidently think, people who only like to top are definitely in the minority."

"And how to do know whether you're a top, or a bottom?"

"Trial and error in most cases I guess." Renly grinned. "Though, I guess sometimes some people do have a clear idea of what they want before."

"Am I allowed to ask what you are?" Loas ventured, wondering if this would get a little too personal for Renly. It was odd to think of this sort of stuff in direct relation to Renly and yet his curiosity got the better of him, not to mention the fact that it was more than a little arousing. 

Renly rolled over onto his stomach. "Yep sure you're allowed to ask." He laughed. "Personally, I'd probably put myself somewhere half between being a top and being versatile." He grinned, his eyes twinkling. "I'm just pretty easy going really."

"And what about Sam?" Loras asked, trying not to imagine Renly fucking the guy he hated the very sight of still. 

"Er, I guess he's pretty versatile too, more so than me actually." Renly grinned. "So usually, we do something called flip-flopping, which I'm sure you can guess the meaning of."  
  
Loras raised an eyebrow. "It means you swap over right?"

"Exacemente." Renly laughed. "Best of both worlds."  
  
Loras tried ever so hard now not to imagine it the other round now with Renly on the bottom. He couldn't quite picture it and part of him was glad. 

"And does it feel nice?" Loras ventured. "My father kept on mentioning that it can hurt."

Renly sighed. "Unfortunately he is right. If you're on the bottom it can hurt." He laughed. "If it's properly unbearably painful then you're doing it wrong, but it can be pretty uncomfortable, especially on the first couple of times." He yawned loudly, running a hand through his hair. "If you're doing it right, however, then I have no words for how amazing it can be. One thing I will say is this, and I know you didn't want me to lecture you on this sort of stuff, but really don't even think about bottoming for a guy until you're sure you trust him. Other way round, not so bad, but if you're on bottom, you need to be careful."

Loras sighed. "None of it sounds very appealing to be honest." It sounded painful and odd. 

Renly shrugged, a smile tugging at his face. "Well you've got a good few years really before you need to think properly about it." He laughed and ruffled Loras' hair. "And some guys genuinely don't find it appealing. Some just prefer to get each other off in other ways. It's not uncommon. so you wouldn't be alone."

"But you like it?"

"Yes I like it."

Loras thought about that for a while. The idea didn't appeal to him now and yet he trusted Renly's judgement on pretty much everything else. He wondered too, whether they'd want to do it together one day. The age gap between them seemed large now in regards to that sort of thing and yet Loras supposed the four years would seem almost negligible by the time they were both in their twenties. They were best friends now and that one day they would be more than best friends just seemed the natural order that things had to take. 

 

 

 Spring 2010

As Renly had warned Loras it would, being fourteen kind of sucked. He was moody all the time, even with Renly and Margaery, and he just seemed to get angry for no reason. Then, as if things couldn't get worse, his voice was suddenly all over the place. He'd be speaking normally and then suddenly it would go and he'd have to fight to stop himself storming off in embarrassment. 

Renly of course mocked him mercilessly for it and today was no exception. It was a nice day and so they'd headed off to the park, Renly bringing his revision for his A Levels with him. They'd sat on the swings, Renly's textbook on his lap as if he was doing something productive. It would have been a lovely day, Loras thought, save for the fact that his voice wouldn't behave and Renly didn't seem able to help bursting into laughter each time. 

"As if this didn't happen to you." Loras muttered, kicking the ground irritably with his feet. 

"Oh it did." Renly grinned. "And I was made fun of ruthlessly like everybody else." He laughed. "It's character building."

Loras rolled his eyes. "This might damage my self-esteem for life."

"Maybe." Renly laughed. "But somehow, with you, I doubt that very much." He grinned. "You've always been very in need of being taken down a peg or two." He frowned, mock seriousness on his face. "Or was that a pitch or two?"

Loras just raised an eyebrow. "Not funny, Renly. I'd stick to the day job if I were you."

 

 

  
Late Summer 2010

"Do you really have to go?" Loras asked, standing on Renly's doorstep as Renly heaved bags into the boot of his car. "Can't you live at home and go to university?" 

Renly laughed. "And what's the fun in that?" He grinned and beckoned for Loras to pass him another bag. "Sorry Loras, but not even for you will I be one of those sad people who lives at home whilst at uni."

Loras shrugged. He could understand that and yet he still wasn't happy about it. “Are you and Sam going to stay together?” Slowly, he'd learnt to accept Renly's boyfriend over the past year. They didn't get on, but they were able to tolerate each other's company if only for Renly's sake. And whilst Loras would probably have made more of an effort if Renly had seemed bothered, as it was he never did and the relationship had never seemed a serious one. All the same, Loras was hopeful that the two of them going off to different universities would mean they split up and Loras would not have to compete for Renly's attention anymore. 

Renly shrugged. “Probably not.” He laughed. “Definitely not actually." He winked at Loras. "There’s a lot to be said for being single during freshers week.”

“You’re terrible.” Loras laughed. “Is that the real reason?”

Renly sighed and leant against the door of the car, shielding his eyes from the sun. “Not really. It’s just a practical thing. I suppose we've been together a rather long time, but we were always pretty casual about everything and now he’s going to be about three hundred miles away from me. I hope we'll stay friends, though.”

Loras nodded. He didn't hope they remained friends. If he had it his way, he'd fill the vacancy too. He supposed that Renly wasn't going to look twice at a boy about to go into Year Ten, not when he was about to go off to uni and yet he couldn't help imagining. And staring a little at him now, leaning lazily still against the the door of Robert's car with sunglasses pushing his dark hair off his face, Loras wanted nothing more than to kiss him. 

The image diidn't last long. Renly sighed and stood up properly, slamming the boot shut. "I have to go." He said reluctantly. "Look after yourself for me?" 

Loras nodded, feeling all too miserable even as Renly pulled him into a hug. He leant into it, resting his head against Renly's chest and listening to the beating of his heart. It was all too fleeting, though, and Renly pulled away after a few moments. He got into the car then and Loras stood helplessly outside the brightly painted yellow door as he watched Renly drive away, waving half-heartedly until he disappeared. 

 

 

……….

 

It was miserable when Renly left and yet Loras tried not to take it personally. All the same, it was was odd walking past Renly's house everyday, seeing that yellow door ajar as usual and yet knowing that if he ran up the stairs that there would be no chance of Renly being in. His room would be empty and bare, the walls marked with bluetack stains.

They skyped every week, though, and Renly always had lots to tell him. He seemed to be having a great time, something which sometimes made Loras feel happy for him and yet at other points would make him miss him more than ever. Renly certainly had lived out his dream of having fun in freshers week, and just thinking about that drove Loras crazy. He couldn't bare to imagine it and he began to hate all the faceless guys Renly told him he'd shared his bed with.

It was jealousy, he knew, and he began to re-evaluate whether the idea of sleeping with someone appealed to him. He still wasn't sure and yet he knew that if there'd been any remote chance of Renly jumping into bed with him instead of jumping into bed with someone else, he wouldn't even have hesitated. He wouldn't even make Renly leave afterwards, or force him to do that embarrassing thing in the morning which Renly always referred to cheerfully as a 'walk of shame'. 

Loras' only consolation was that when Renly came back, for weekends occasionally and for holidays, it was like nothing had ever changed.

 

 

 Spring 2011

Loras had just turned fifteen when he got his own boyfriend. It was a boy in the year above him who Loras didn't really know very well and yet had asked him out on a date to the cinema, probably, Loras reckoned, just because he was popular and because he thought Loras was hot. He didn't have much desire to go and yet he did anyway, at his sister's insistence more than anything.

It hadn't been so bad. His company hadn't been too awful and the film he'd chosen had been pretty good. They'd gone on a few more dates after that, and after the third one, he'd asked Loras if they could go out properly. Loras had known at the time that his reasons for saying yes were bad, mainly that he wanted to prove to Renly how grown up he was, and yet Loras didn't feel he could be bothered with the whole guilty conscious thing.

It didn’t last long. Loras found him irritating, clingy and altogether quite insufferable after a while. It had always seemed so appealing when he'd seen Renly and his boyfriend kiss outside Renly's house, and yet the reality was far from it, Loras quickly found. The guy would attempt to kiss him on the way home from school and it usually involved him sticking his tongue in his mouth and forcing it almost down his throat. Loras hated it. It was wet and sloppy and he had no idea why Renly seemed to enjoy it.

 

 

 Winter 2011

“Renly’s back.” His mother commented one frosty saturday morning in December. “Christmas holidays must have started for him.”

Loras wasted no time in rushing over. The front door was unlocked as usual and he made his way up to Renly’s room. He did knock, as he'd been told he should do years ago now, and yet when there was no answer he just pushed it open anyway.

Renly was still in bed, one arm clutched around a pillow.

“You awake?” Loras shook him slightly, resisting the urge to bounce up and down on Renly's bed out of excitement. He hadn't seen him since September and Skype just wasn't the same. 

“Mmm?” Renly raised his head and rubbed his eyes. His hair was sticking up all over the place.

"When did you get back?" Loras asked, even though he knew it would have been yesterday night otherwise he'd have had Renly turn up on his doorstep yesterday evening. He tried to pull the covers off to pull him out of bed.

Renly laughed sleepily and grasped his wrist. “Easy there Loras, I’m not dressed.”

Loras rolled his eyes. “Like properly not dressed?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Renly leant down and rummaged around in a drawer by his bed, pulling out a pair of boxers and quite evidently pulling them on under the sheets. “Come on then,” He yawned, holding out his arms.

Loras hesitated. "You want me to get in with you?” He clarified. 

Renly shrugged. “I only know that I’m not moving.” He yawned loudly, pushing a hand through his hair, only succeeding in messing it up further. “It’s what, like 6am?”

“11.30.” Loras corrected.

“Same thing” Renly groaned, pulling a pillow back over his head. 

Cautiously, Loras climbed in with him. His heart skipped a beat as Renly wrapped his arms round him even though there was quite clearly no suggestion in it. All the same, Loras leant into the touch. Renly was warm and soft from sleep, and his breathing against Loras’ neck made his stomach do somersaults. Loras wasted no time in putting his own arms around him, savouring the sensation of his bare skin under his hands.

 

 

 Summer 2012

After Christmas, Renly didn't come back at all in his second year. He had exams that counted this year and indeed, every time he'd phoned Loras or skyped, he'd seemed beyond stressed. He'd seemed to have spent most of his time in the library.

He did come back after his exams, though, and turned up without warning on Loras' doorstep one warm June afternoon. It was his mother who answered the door and yet Loras heard his voice all the way from his bedroom. He had been in the middle of doing revision for one of his GCSEs and yet Loras had no qualms about dropping it and making his way down the stairs, unable not to smile when he saw Renly standing casually in the hall having a chat with his mother as if he'd never left.

Renly laughed and pulled him into a loose hug as soon as Loras was down the stairs. “I’ve missed you.” He said, looking him up and down. “God you’ve grown since I last saw you.”

Loras rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to turn into one of those irritating people who gives a running commentary on how tall I've got every time you see me are you?” Privately, he was more than a little pleased Renly had noticed. He'd shot up these past few months around his sixteenth birthday, and he was pleased to see now that Renly would no longer be able to easily rest his chin on the top of Loras' head as he always had done. 

Renly grinned. “Maybe I am one of those irritating people.” He teased, ruffling Loras' hair. "I'm only observing. You have grown. Lots. You were practically still a midget at Christmas."

Loras was not impressed. "I was never a midget." He said, raising an eyebrow disdainfully. 

"Er yeah you were." Renly looked him up and down again, and if Loras wasn't sorely mistaken, the gaze was mildly appreciative. "You're not now, though."

Loras just smirked up at him, leaning against the wall lazily and enjoying being admired all too much to even contemplate moving.

 

 

 Spring 2013

**  
**It wasn't until Loras turned seventeen that his parents finally let Loras go to visit Renly at university.

Renly met him from the station, and never had Loras seen him look more happy to see him. He grinned and took Loras' bag from him before they were off the platform, even as Loras protested. "Be quiet." He laughed. "I'm offering to carry your luggage for you and here you are complaining." He poked Loras in the ribs playfully. "Be grateful."

Loras rolled his eyes and let him carry it. It was a nice walk back from the station to Renly's student house, the air warm and the sun shining. Renly's spare hand was swinging tantalisingly close to Loras' and Loras was tempted to reach out and take it as they walked. He didn't know how Renly would take that, though and so he refrained, contenting himself with just listening quietly as Renly brought him up to date on everything that had been happening with him.

Loras had been hopeful that Renly might have a double bed in his house like he did at home and yet he was disappointed to see that it was a single. The whole train ride here he'd amused himself imagining what might happen if Renly and he ended up sharing a bed, whether they'd wake up in the morning accidentally pressed together and hands having wandered all over the place. 

It was not to be, though, and Renly let him take the bed whilst he slept on a floor with a blow-up mattress. Even so, though, Loras loved every minute of the three days he spent there. He and Renly would stay up late talking, or watch a film together, and every morning, they'd having breakfast stretched across Renly's bed, their shoulders touching as the sun shone in through the blinds. Nothing had changed that Loras could really put his finger on, and yet there was something a little bit different about everything, about the way Renly would look at him, would touch him more than he had to, his fingers brushing against Loras' as if by accident. Sometimes, too, Loras would catch him watching him contemplatively almost, a small almost secretive smile on his face.  

Loras was disappointed by the time his last evening there came and yet Renly didn't seem at all defeated. "Want to go out tonight?" He asked casually, once they'd finished eating dinner on the sofa.

"Out where?" Loras asked, dropping his cutlery and his eyes meeting with Renly's for a lot longer than was necessary.   
  
"Out out." Renly grinned, and he stood up, reaching down to tuck one of Loras' unruly curls behind his ear. "We usually go out on Fridays. And it'd be good fun."

Loras raised an eyebrow. "I don't have ID." He said. 

Renly shrugged. "I know all the bouncers and you look more or less eighteen. It'll be fine."

And so that's what they did. Loras had never really drunk alcohol before, save for the occasional glass of wine at home, and yet he drunk more than a little bit that night. As soon as Renly's friends realised that he'd never been drunk before, it was if he had a target painted on his back, and Loras found that even Renly joined in in ganging up on him as they pre-drank to go out. Several times he caught Renly topping up his glass with pure vodka and yet Loras didn't complain. It felt good, fuzzy and hazy, and there weren't enough seats to go around in their living room, and so as the evening progressed, somehow, he ended up sitting on Renly's lap, leaning lazily against Renly's chest as the world blurred pleasantly around him. 

"I think that's enough for you." Renly laughed in his ear, his arms tightening around him as Loras swayed slightly. He took the glass out of Loras' hands and downed it himself. It didn't seem fair to Loras. Renly had drunk at least twice as much as him and he didn't even seem tipsy.

"But this is all your fault." Loras shot back, unable not to laugh too when he heard how much his words slurred into each other.

Renly grinned, pushing Loras' hair out of his eyes and his fingers lingering by his ear. "Guilty as charged." He admitted. "But don't worry, I'm not going to let you have any more."

They didn't make it out in the end, Loras dozing off against Renly's chest just before midnight. He only had a vague memory of Renly taking him up the stairs and when he next woke, he was in Renly's bed, the lights off and Renly's steady breathing in his ear, his chest warm against Loras' back. The world was still spinning slightly and Loras merely rolled over and tucked his head into the crook of Renly's neck, the alcohol making him brave. He fell back to sleep soon after, waking only when Renly shook him a little desperately the next morning, laughing at his hung-over state and telling him he was going to miss his train if he didn't get out of bed this very instant.

 

 

 Summer 2013

Renly finished uni in June and he came back shortly after, his car bringing his stuff back home from college for the last time. 

"I've missed you." He said when Loras came round that evening, pulling him into a big hug and swaying slightly, refusing to let go. His arms were warm around Loras' middle and Loras leant into it, just smiling against Renly's neck. He smelled like he usually did, a familiar mix of after-shave and something that was just distinctly Renly. 

Loras laughed into his shoulder.  "Well I am very miss-able." He said, and as soon as Renly released him, he flopped down on Renly's bed without being invited and stretched out. 

Renly smiled down at him. "Film?" He said. "Or do you need to be back home this evening?"  
  
"Nah, I can probably make a bit of time for you." He laughed as Renly rolled his eyes, going to the shelf where he kept his DVDs and spending a good long time choosing one. That was one of the things about Renly, Loras found, he was just incapable of making quick decisions. He always dithered, going through all of his options, before he'd then ignore all logic and just pick the option he liked best. Today was no different, and Loras resisted the urge to sigh as Renly pored over his DVD collection, knowing that he was going to choose the one he'd picked up first anyway. He always did. Renly had just got back and here he was fussing over which film to watch. 

Eventually he chose one, though, and came to sit down on his bed, nudging Loras' legs out of the way to make room from him. Reluctantly, Loras dragged himself up into a sitting position, shoving one of Renly's pillows behind his back to lean against. It was a good film, Renly had chosen, funny and typically the sort of film Renly would usually go for. To Loras' surprise, though, Renly seemed to be paying very little attention, either to the film or to him. Instead he seemed distracted, staring contemplatively at the opposite wall. 

He was like that for half the film and eventually Loras prodded him. "You still here with me?" He laughed, eyebrow raised.

"Huh?" Renly looked up and ran a hand through his hair.

"Well are you?"

Renly's brow furrowed. "What was the question?"  
  
Loras sighed. "I asked if you were still here with me?" 

Renly glanced around. "Yes." He laughed. "Sorry, I've been ignoring you haven't I?" He shuffled a little, getting comfortable.

Loras shrugged and turned his attention back to the film. He turned around, though, about five minutes in, to see if Renly was watching now, and he was surprised to see that Renly was staring at him now, his eyes slightly glazed as if he were deep in thought.

"You okay?" Loras asked gently, moving his hand to rest on Renly's shoulder.

"I'm fine." Renly answered, still looking pensive. He opened his mouth to speak again and then closed it, the unfinished part of his sentence hanging heavily in the air between them.

"But..?" Loras prompted.

Renly looked deep in thought and he cocked his head ever so slightly to the side. “I just want to try something.” He breathed almost inaudibly, and slowly, hesitantly even, he lifted his hand to Loras' face and cupped his chin with his palm, brushing his thumb gently over Loras' cheek. He looked at Loras then, eyes slightly wary, as if he was waiting for Loras to challenge him, to ask him what he was doing.

Loras didn't say anything. He just sighed, a small soft noise that was barely audible to his own ears. Renly closed his eyes at that, and his thumb still tracing circles against Loras' cheek, he slowly leant in, tilting Loras' chin up ever so slightly as he pressed his lips to Loras’. It was barely a kiss, more a soft press of lips than anything else, slow at first and quite unlike any of the kisses Loras had ever had, and he almost forgot how to breathe as Renly caught Loras' bottom lip in between his own, sucking on it leisurely, contemplatively even. Softly, he bit down ever so gently, hand curving around the back of Loras' neck as he ran the tip of his tongue very slowly along the edge of Loras' lips. There was no haste, and Renly's hand came to rest in his hair as he explored his mouth languorously. his tongue brushing against Loras' ever so slightly as he kissed him with an open mouth.

Loras had never been kissed like that before and he thought he might melt as he leant into it, sighing ever so slightly into Renly's mouth as Renly turned his attention to his top lip now. His lips were slightly parted and he pressed thousands of tiny little kisses there, his hand slipping out of Loras' hair to caress his cheek, cupping his chin again and guiding his movements ever so slightly. Loras supposed this was what it meant to be a good kisser, and whereas before he'd never understood quite why Renly had seemed to enjoy kissing so much, now Renly was answering that question for him, over and over again as he pressed himself that tiny bit closer and Loras surrendered himself to him.

Renly drew back slightly, though, as he slid his hands slowly around Loras' waist, gazing at him with more than a few questions in his eyes. "Good?" He breathed, the press of his hands hot through Loras' shirt. 

Loras nodded, sighing as one of Renly's hand then found the small of Loras' back, guiding him into  almost into his lap as they toppled gracelessly down onto the bed, Renly pushing a thigh in between Loras' and their half hard cocks rubbing against each other through their jeans.

Renly kissed him again and it was different this time, possessed of a different weight and tenor. He'd tilted his head, deepening it slowly, his hands knotted in Loras' hair and pulling him closer. It was no longer leisurely, no longer lazy almost and Loras strained against him, desperate to please him, desperate to rub his cock against Renly's thigh.

Renly seemed to read his mind and a small low noise escaped from the back of his throat as he trailed his hand down Loras' stomach, lower and lower until he was palming him through his jeans. The press of his hand was hot even through the fabric, and Loras whined slightly into Renly's mouth, a noise he was a little embarrassed about.

Renly didn't seem to notice, though. Briefly, he released Loras' bottom lip, and slipped a couple of fingers beneath the waist band of Loras' jeans, teasing a horizontal path across his stomach. "Can I?" His voice was low and almost unrecognisable, his eyes hardly blue anymore but dark, his pupils wide. "You want this don't you?"

Loras nodded headily, his vision spinning. He didn't really know what _this_ was and yet every instinct he had told him that he didn’t ever want Renly to stop. His hands were everywhere now, trailing across his back and pushing up the hem of his shirt, tangling in his hair as Renly's hard cock pressed against his hip, heavy and warm.

"God, Loras, do I want you." Renly panted against his mouth as he lifted Loras' shirt over his head, lips then moving down to Loras' throat, sucking a sensitive spot just below Loras' ear as Loras tried to get Renly's own shirt off, fingers fumbling at the buttons. Renly made everything look so effortless, so fluid, and Loras knew that in all other walks of life he was usually like that, usually so elegant in everything he did. Here, though, he felt clumsy, and Renly eventually took his own shirt off, his fingers seeming to tremble less than Loras'. 

Loras closed his eyes as Renly pulled his jeans down, rubbing his cock ever so briefly through his boxers before he tugged his own jeans down, throwing the pile of clothes to the floor in a flurry of cotton. His hands were back on Loras' hips within moments though, his fingers hooking under the waistband of Loras' boxers and pulling them up and over his cock, tugging them down to his knees as he straddled Loras' thighs and bent to kiss the tip of his cock with an open mouth.

Loras just gasped, hips bucking up against Renly's mouth. He wanted Renly to kiss him there again, was practically desperate to feel the hot press of Renly's tongue in sensitive places for a second time. Renly had sat back on his haunches, though and he was pulling his own boxers down, kicking them off the bed to join the tangled pile of the rest of their clothes. They were both naked now and Loras rolled over to press against him, relishing the feeling of skin sliding against skin, Renly's bare chest a blank canvas for him to trace his hands over as he wanted. Sighing, he ran his hands up and down Renly's sides, feeling the shallow dip of his waist and the sharp angles of his hips, exploring as he liked and gasping as Renly did the same to him, his kisses wet against Loras' chest and his hands slipping round his waist to hold him tight. 

Loras paused at Renly's hips before moving his hand to Renly's cock. Tentatively, he wrapped his fingers around it, testing its weight in his hand as he rubbed it as hard as he dared, his confidence growing as Renly pushed his hips forcefully up against his hand. He was straining against him, his eyes half closed and his breathing heavy as Loras tightened his grip, trying to mirror how he pleasured himself on Renly.

Renly reached out for Loras' cock after a few moments and Loras tried not to gasp out loud. He hadn't thought it possible that this could feel even better with somebody else's hand, and he pressed himself close to Renly, heart pounding in his ears. 

"Wait." Renly gasped as Loras tried to get even closer, and twisting, he was reaching down to open a drawer. "Here." He panted, pulling out two condoms and thrusting one into Loras' hand.

Loras ripped the packet open hastily, desperately trying to figure out how to put it on. He got it out of the foil easily, and whilst he knew he was supposed to roll it down over himself, in the dark, he couldn't see which direction he should be unrolling in. He tried to furtively watch as Renly put his on and yet Renly did it so quickly that he could barely even make out what he'd done. His fingers felt clumsy as he gave it a go anyway, trying to get it in place, still unsure whether or not it was inside out.

Renly paused, looking at the condom still in Loras’ hands. "Oh god," He whispered, something clicking into place on his face. “You’ve never done this before have you?”

Loras winced a little and shook his head.

Renly took a visibly deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. "Time Out." He said, putting one hand above the other. He reached down to tug the condom he'd just put on off, tying it in a knot and throwing it carelessly in the bin as he pulled his boxers back on too. He looked a little sheepish and sitting back against the wall, he pulled Loras' close against his chest, strong hands propping him up. “God, sorry Loras." He laughed, looking a bit ashamed of himself. "I shouldn’t have taken it for granted that you had already done that sort of thing. I sort of just assumed, you know, with it being you and all.”

Loras frowned. He didn't see quite why Renly was insisting on stopping. He shifted a little awkwardly. He felt a little exposed like this, naked on Renly's lap and he reached down to pull his own boxers on too. "What do you mean by that?" He asked. "Me being me?"

Renly laughed and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Don’t try and pretend to be all modest. Not with me." He gave a chuckle. "Looking like you do is what I meant. I guess I just figured everyone would have been all over you by now.”

Loras shrugged. "Not really." He tucked himself back into Renly's chest and tried to think straight, something that was complicated by the fact that all of the blood in his body still seemed to be rushing to his crotch. "You do realise I would have told you if I'd slept with someone?"

Renly laughed. "You say that, but no, I don't know that. You're a lot more private than you think, Loras." He ran a hand through Loras' curls, ruffling them a little, and it was odd, the gesture such a familiar one even though they were tangled up half-naked on his bed.

"But does it matter?" Loras pressed, raising an eyebrow. "I still want to."

“I can see that.” Renly’s eyes flicked down to the outline of Loras's cock though his boxers and he laughed. “But do you really want to now? You want me to be your first? Really?”

Loras looked up at him. "Well, why not?" He asked defiantly. "You told me once that my first time should be with someone I trust. And I trust you more than I trust anyone."

Renly smiled, caressing Loras' stomach with a lazy hand. "Okay," He grinned, pressing a kiss to the corner of Loras' mouth. And in classic Renly style, that was how the decision was made, as Loras had known it would be. He'd insisted on stopping, on taking the time to think things over, and yet he'd end up doing exactly what he'd wanted to do in the first place. 

 

 

………

 

Loras stayed at Renly's that night, texting his mother and hoping that she would be okay with this. He didn't phrase it as a question, though, and as usual his mother didn't seem to have the gall to say no. He did pop back home for a toothbrush and pyjamas, though, and his father was less than impressed, standing in the door way and his face a little red. 

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked as Loras came back down the stairs.

"Over to Renly's." Loras said bluntly. "Is that an issue Dad?"

His father spluttered a little.

"I've stayed at Renly's loads of times before." Loras pointed out. "And he's stayed here loads of times."  
  
His father gesticulated wildly. "But that was different. That was a long time ago. Now..." He trailed off.

"Now what?" Loras asked sweetly. He knew exactly what his father was getting out and yet he wanted him to force it to say it. 

His father opened his mouth and yet it was his mother who spoke, putting her hand on her husband's shoulder. "Come on Mace." She said softly. "Let him go."

"But Alerie-?" His father looked incredulously at her. "Don't you see what's going on here?"

"You're making assumptions." She said. Loras resisted the urge to laugh. His father was making assumptions alright, but they were completely the right ones to make. He stayed quiet, though, as his mother continued. "And we know Renly. We _like_ Renly." She insisted. 

His father couldn't find anything to say to that, and looking a little defeated, he waved Loras out of the room with an erratic hand. Loras went before he could change his mind. He paused, though, outside the front door, slamming it loudly so that they'd think he'd gone and listening in.

"But Alerie," His father was protesting. "How can you just condone this. Don't you realise they're just going to jump in bed with each other?"

"Probably yes." His mother admitted, Loras straining to hear her soft voice. "But saying no this evening won't change anything, Mace. Not unless you want to stop him seeing him entirely." Loras heard her sigh and he suspected she had her hand again on his father's shoulder as she always did when he wound himself up. "Loras is sensible enough, Renly is too. And we always knew it was only ever a matter of time. Didn't we Mace?"

Loras just smiled to himself and crossed the road. 

 

 

 .........

 

“Renly.” Loras called his name insistently. “Can we just forget what we said this morning." Renly had spent a good portion of the morning telling him they would take things slowly, and Loras had semi-agreed at the time. Now, though, with his hair tangled under Renly's hands and his lips bruised from Renly's kisses, Loras wanted to do no such thing. 

Renly didn’t answer. He just kissed him again, like he had done yesterday, with an open mouth and his arms wrapped tightly around Loras' chest. He smiled against Loras' mouth, though, loosening his grip on him and trailing a hand down in between them, rubbing his palm up and down Loras' length through his pyjama bottoms as he moved his kisses from Loras' mouth, sucking slightly on Loras' earlobe. 

"You're not wearing any underwear are you?" He whispered in his ear, laughing slightly. 

Loras just shook his head and Renly laughed properly, pushing Loras gently back against the bed and pinning him there with one hand as he moved his mouth downwards, kissing a path across Loras' jaw and down his neck. Loras just closed his eyes, arching his back slightly into Renly's touch, savouring how Renly's lips felt against his bare chest. It was soft and warm and Loras didn't ever want him to stop. Renly was moving lower now, knees either side of Loras' thighs as he hummed a line of kisses along Loras' navel, fingers playing with the waistband of Loras' pyjama bottoms.

Nudging Loras' thighs gently apart, Renly shifted to lie in between them, firm hands grasping Loras' hips as he pulled him further down the bed, not letting go until Loras' legs were hanging off the end and Renly could kneel on the floor. Loras held his breath as Renly bent over him, warm palms planted flat on Loras' stomach as he mouthed slightly at Loras' cock through the thin fabric of his pyjamas. Loras just shuddered, forcing himself to breathe as Renly slowly pushed the waistband further down his hips, just low enough for Renly to slip his hand inside and gently pull Loras' cock out. Loras arched his back in anticipation and yet Renly didn't turn his attention to it immediately, instead kissing Loras' hips with an open mouth, tugging his bottoms down a little further to lick a hot wet stripe from his hipbone to the inside of his thigh. 

"Stop being a tease." Loras gasped, lifting his head to look at him.

Renly laughed against the inside of his thigh and nudged a pillow in Loras' direction for him to rest his head on."Patience." He admonished and yet even as he said it, he was bending over further, blowing on the tip of Loras’ cock before he took it gently into his mouth, one hand trailing across his stomach and the other dipping lower to cup his balls.

His hand was warm and gentle and yet Loras hadn't been expecting Renly to touch there. He opened his eyes in surprise, even as he gasped from the sudden warmth around his cock, his eyes meeting Renly's across the bed.

"Do you not like that?" Renly breathed, stroking Loras' cock with long lazy strokes as he spoke.

Loras shook his head and then began to nod. "I don't know?" He admitted, closing his eyes again. It made him feel vulnerable and yet it felt good too.

Renly laughed softly and didn't move his hand away. Slowly, he bent his head once more to take Loras back into his mouth. He took him deeper this time and less gently, his mouth tight and warm around him. It was a sensation Loras could never have imagined and it ended all too quickly, Renly teasing him almost to his peak before he then pulled away and climbed back up next to Loras.

He was panting hard, and yet in one fluid movement he pulled Loras back up the bed, lifting him into a sitting position with ease and pressing his chest against Loras' back. “Here.” He breathed, pressing a condom once more into Loras’ hands. “I’ll show you how.” He rested his head on Loras' shoulder, arms around his neck and his breathing warm in his ear.

Loras ripped the packet open and Renly put his own larger hand around Loras'. "Okay, so that's easy enough, then you've got to see which way up it is." He laughed breathlessly, pressing a kiss to the Loras' neck. "It's easier in daylight to see, but you can feel it too." He guided Loras' hand gently. "See, you obviously want the tip facing up, and you have to pinch it to get all the air out." He took over then, head still rested on Loras' shoulder as he pinched the top as he'd just explained, rolling it then down over Loras' cock. "See," He said. "A piece of cake."

Loras just nodded, wishing he'd been able to concentrate with Renly's cock digging digging into his back. He leant his head back against Renly's shoulder, giving him better access to his neck and closing his eyes when Renly took the hint, biting down gently on his shoulder. It wasn't long until Renly had turned him round, kissing him properly now, hastily, with his hands tangled in Loras' hair as he lay back against the bed and pulled Loras down with him. His mouth left Loras' momentarily as he scrambled down in one of the drawers next to his bed and pulled a yellow bottle out triumphantly.

"Seriously?" Loras panted, pushing his hips up against Renly's a little desperately. "Pina Colada flavoured?" 

Renly just grinned and turning to face him, pulled him closer, lifting one of Loras' legs up and hooking it over his hips. "Don't knock it till you've tried it." He breathed, and with that he poured a little into his hands, evidently warming it in his palms before he reached around Loras, trailing his fingers down Loras' lower back.

Loras gulped. In his haste to do everything and anything with Renly, he'd forgotten about this part. His heart was racing in his chest, though, and Renly evidently seemed to think he'd enjoy it. Not yet had Renly been wrong about what he thought he'd enjoy.

Renly must have been able to sense his nerves. "You sure?" He whispered against his ear, sucking a little on the skin at his neck as he continued tracing slippery patterns across Loras' back.

Loras nodded, taking a deep shaky breath.   
  
Renly kissed him on the mouth, dipping his fingers lower, and Loras tried not to tense as they fluttered against his entrance. "I'll be gentle, I promise." He whispered. "And if you don't like it then we'll stop." His fingers were warm and slippery as he pulled his cheeks apart, gently rubbing small circles around his entrance. It felt... odd, Loras thought and yet undeniably good, full somehow of promise. He sighed into Renly's shoulder heavily. He'd never had any desire to be touched there and yet Renly's judgement had not been wrong. 

Renly tilted his head up gently, catching Loras' bottom lip between his own. "Relax for me." He murmured into his mouth, and before Loras really knew what was happening, Renly had slipped a finger inside him. It slid in easier than he would have expected and yet it felt strange, like he was being stretched, like it didn't belong there.

He groaned, though, as Renly began moving it, slipping it in and out of him in a steady rhythm. That felt good and Loras pushed his hips up against Renly's, forcing a hand in between them and doing his best to take both of their cocks in hand, following the rhythm Renly was setting as he slid his hand up and down. 

Renly's breath shook at that, a low sound escaping from the back of his throat as he moaned slightly into Loras' mouth. "Shut your eyes" He murmured.

Loras did as he was told and held his breath.

He didn't have to wait long. Renly curled his finger inside of him and he saw stars behind his closed eyelids. “What the fuck?” He panted.

“That, Loras," Renly breathed, an odd mix of desire and amusement on his face."-is why this is so much fun.” Slowly, painfully almost, he curled his finger again.

Loras whimpered, biting down painfully on his lip to hold it in. 

Renly laughed softly, his free hand coming to caress Loras’ cheek. “It's alright." He soothed. "It’s supposed to feel good. Let it.” He crooked his finger again and this time Loras didn't fight his instincts. Shaking, he let out a long low sound that sounded strange to him and that made Renly's hips jerk up against his. "I'm envious," Renly breathed once he was quiet, half a laugh and half a sigh. "I remember how new this all feels the first time round." Pointedly, he pushed another slick finger into him, and curling his fingers in unison, hit that spot again. He hit it over and over until Loras couldn't see straight and his entire body was trembling.

"Good boy." Renly panted under his breath, leaning his forehead against Loras' as Loras whimpered helplessly into his mouth. "Such a good boy." He added another finger and Loras pushed back against his hand, straining against him. Closing his eyes, he tightened his hand around his and Renly's cocks. 

His eyes snapped open, though, as all of a sudden, Renly's fingers slipped out of him. All at once he was cold and empty and he glanced up to glare at Renly. "Why are you stopping?" He growled.

Renly laughed breathlessly and prised his hand off their cooks. "Because you're not going to last long enough to get to the main event at this rate." Warm arms around wrapping themselves around Loras' waist, he flipped him over effortlessly so he was on his back, lifting his hips to push a pillow underneath him. 

He didn't give Loras any time to feel nervous and before Loras had even registered the fact Renly was lying in between his legs, Renly was pushing into him with his cock, strong hands pulling down on his hips.

It felt good, to have the empty space left by Renly's fingers filled again, and yet it burned ever so slightly and he couldn't help but cry out a little. Renly's hands were in his hair as soon as he made a sound, and he stopped pushing against him immediately. "Shh." He breathed, brushing Loras' damp hair from his face. "Relax."

Loras gulped and closed his eyes. He did his best to put his trust in Renly's hands, to relax like he was asking him to. He thought he did a pretty decent job and he sighed as Renly began pushing into him once more, whispering Loras' name against his chest once he was fully in. His voice was soft and warm against his skin and Loras closed his eyes in bliss, knotting his hands in Renly's hair. He'd known that sex was intimate, but he'd never imagined what it would feel like for two people to be so close, to be slotted together as if they were jigsaw pieces.

Renly found a rhythm quickly and Loras tried to move his hips in time, bringing them upwards as best he could to meet him as he gazed up at Renly above him. Loras didn't think he'd ever seen him look more lovely. His black hair flopped over his eyes every time he rocked up into him and his blue eyes were half closed, an odd expression on his face that was somehow equal parts bliss and equal parts desperation.

"Good?" Renly panted, kissing Loras' chest as he slowed the pace, leaning on one elbow to wrap a hand around Loras' cock. 

"Good?" Loras echoed back. "It couldn't possibly get any better."

Renly laughed breathlessly. "I highly doubt that." He said,  grinning wickedly, and with that he changed his angle, suddenly and sharply, laughing as Loras cried out loudly.

“Renly,” Loras gasped out. “I can’t… I’m going to…"

He didn't finish his sentence, everything going blank as his orgasm washed over him, Renly's arms tight around his chest. Boneless, he just lay there, basking in the warmth of it all as Renly immediately followed suite, collapsing against him once he was done, sticky and damp with sweat.

It was Renly who summoned the strength to move first and he propped himself up on his elbow. "So?" He asked breathlessly, a small smirk coming to his lips. "I'll take it you see the appeal now?"

Loras just rolled his eyes at him. 

 

 

.........

 

They didn't move from Renly's bed, content to ust crawl under the covers and lie lazily in each other's arms. And whilst Loras had thought that it would feel quite unfamiliar, lying tangled up with Renly in a bed they'd just had sex in, it didn't really at all. He knew this room at least as well as he knew his own, and he didn't imagine that anything could ever feel more reassuring than the warmth of Renly's arms did right now. It was comforting and fel somehow safe all at once.

"You alright?" Renly asked softly, untangling his hair for him.

"Yeah." 

Renly smiled, looking a little pensive. "I should have known it would end up like this." He said softly, laughing under his breath. "I did wonder sometimes, you know, what it was going to be like when you were all grown up. If you'd want to date me." He laughed. "You _do_ want to date me don't you?"

"Yes Renly." Loras said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at him. Renly could be really stupid sometimes. The notion that he could possibly sleep with his best friend and then want nothing more from him was ludicrous. He thought about telling him this and then decided not to bother. The idea didn't even warrant discussion in his opinion.   
  
"You don't seem surprised." Renly commented, twirling a stand of Loras' hair around his finger absent-mindedly.

Loras shrugged and rested his head against Renly's shoulder. "It just always seemed obvious to me." He admitted.

Renly laughed. "Things are always obvious to you." He sighed and stretched his limbs out one by one. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving." He paused, deep in thought. "Fancy going to the chip shop?" He asked. 

Loras raised an eyebrow. "Way to ruin the moment." He said dryly, resisting the urge to laugh.  

Renly grinned sheepishly. "Sorry." He chuckled. "But genuinely, do you?"

Loras shrugged. "Alright then." And with that Renly heaved him up off the bed with a lot more force than was necessary and for a very very moment Loras could have believed them eleven and fifteen again. 

**Author's Note:**

> On another note, Golden = most hopefully tomorrow :)


End file.
